Thursday, April 24, 2014

Christian Protocol for Twitter


Standard Christian Protocol 
for Conducting Discussions with Atheists on Twitter 


It has come to our attention that one or two Christians have been trying to conduct rational discussions on Twitter. This is a gross breach of the established conventions, comparable in its enormity to the traditional Christian crime of scientific enquiry, curiositas.

Here is a reminder of the proper, well established, way for Christians to conduct themselves on Twitter and other social media.
  1. Make assertions that are unverifiable, presenting them as objective facts that can be easily be confirmed.
  2. Misunderstand or purport to misunderstand all rational responses.
  3. Conceal the fact that you are employing your own definitions of common words (for example presuming that the word atheist is interchangeable with Communist, satanist and evolutionary scientist.) 
  4. Display a wilful level of ignorance on the topic at hand, and especially on the Bible, Christian teaching before 2000, evolutionary science, history, philosophy, textual criticism and critical thinking.
  5. Employ easily-spotted flawed reasoning, such as circular arguments and non-sequiturs, attack straw-men, and make a point of confusing adequate and necessary conditions. You must also presume causality from correlation whenever possible (unless to so compromises your position).
  6. Once you lose the argument, you must concede in one of two permissible ways (see below)
  7. Block the people who have confounded you.
  8. Tweet your followers, misrepresenting the exchange and claiming victory.

The two permissible ways of conceding an argument:
  • Express your Christian delight at the prospect of the other party burning in Hell for all eternity. Or if you are the more sophisticated passive aggressive type then
  • Say that you are praying for the other party (even though you have not the slightest intention of doing so)
You may, at any stage, complain that anyone who responds to you is persecuting you because of your faith. You may also presume to speak on behalf of your God, even in direct contradiction to the Bible or the teachings of your own Church.

Please  follow these simple conventions. You don't want to stand out from your fellow believers. And always bear in mind that great traditional Christian injunction:  "Reason is the Devil's Whore".


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